How you ‘feel’ impacts how you think, the decisions you make, and the way you act. If you feel sad or down, it’s likely your shoulders will be drooped, you will have a tight jaw or frown, and you may even move more slowly and drag your feet. Interestingly the opposite is also true. You can positively or negatively affect your mental state or ‘mood’ through your physical state.
Try this quick experiment. Stand up, place your hands on your hips and smile, really smile, for five to ten seconds. If you weren’t happy before, I’m guessing you feel happier now. This is because your physiology really does affect how you feel and vice versa. There are anthropological reasons for this that stem back to times when seeing the physical state of someone from a neighbouring tribe or clan, friendly and calm, or agitated and threatening, would rapidly change your posture and your mindset in a reflexive way. Coming face to face with a dangerous wild animal would also cause this reflexive physical response such as when you are surprised by a venomous snake or confronted by a wild dog. In modern times, we can relate this to stepping off the curb and being surprised by a car speeding toward us. Reflexively, without stopping to think, we’ll step back onto the curb and then feel a sense of fear and anxiety followed by relief and the understanding that we need to be more aware and careful in the future. Hence, this physical response is accompanied by a neurological response.
As a leader, your mood and your emotions will obviously affect how you feel and some situations will impact you more severely than others; however, it’s important that you don’t allow your feelings to control your judgment, decisions, or actions. You must be able to remain composed and act in a rational manner consistent with your values and character. This is not to say that you should never display normal human emotions, but you must ensure that you control these emotions and their outward display so you can demonstrate appropriate compassion and empathy without over-reacting. You need to remember that as a leader you are always on the stage and your mic is always on. You need to be able to read the situation and your followers and give them just enough emotional response to ensure they remain connected and engaged with you, but not so much that they are able to influence you to change your decisions and behaviour just to appease them.
There are obviously exceptions to every rule and extreme circumstances may require you to comfort your followers, especially individuals suffering from a personal tragedy, but even in such situations you still need to keep a degree of professional distance and remain stoic. If you break down and display too much emotion, you may well connect with your follower at a very deep level, but you will have crossed the line from objective professional leader to friend. On the surface, this may seem appropriate, harmless, and even desirable, however once the situation has passed it is very difficult to resume the previous leader-follower relationship.
During less dramatic, yet high stress circumstances or even during times of significant frustration there is no place for the display or influence of negative emotions or neuroticism. Whether you realise it or not, as a leader, you do lead by example. The way you act and carry yourself sets the standard for your followers.
Followers respond best to consistent leader behaviours. If you suffer from “mood swings” or make your followers join you on regular roller coaster rides of emotional highs and lows, they won’t know how to act around you and may even second guess whether they are going to get Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde and modify their behaviour to suit.
Leaders also need to extend their desirable, consistent, and stoic behaviour to their decision making to ensure they always exercise sound judgment and make good decisions; or at least the fairest, least worst decisions possible. In doing so, the leader will develop and keep the trust and respect of their followers.
When exercising judgment and making decisions, it’s important to employ critical thinking and not succumb to our biases or heuristics. We must remain objective and always focus on the mission and the greatest good. We must also choose what we believe in and value carefully as our beliefs and values drive our behaviours and decisions so choose wisely.
Once the leader can consistently keep their emotions under control and demonstrate sound judgment and decision making, they must be able to effectively influence their followers without the need for manipulation or coercion. Leaders need to be able to compel their followers with their knowing and willing consent otherwise they are exercising directive control, which is only appropriate in specific circumstances. I used the term compel not in a negative way such as manipulation for the malevolent benefit of the leader, but rather in a manner to convince the follower to act in the interest of the greater cause, even if to their own detriment. Critically, this compulsion must be with the follower’s knowledge and consent and at no time is it acceptable to use passive aggressive behaviour, coercion, or manipulation in place of genuine influence.
While the leader needs to be able to influence their followers, he or she needs to be wary not to be adversely influenced by their followers and not acquiesce to their demands.
We have all heard the saying “make a decision and stick to it”. I always caveat this by saying “make the RIGHT decision and stick to it”. Realising you have made the wrong decision, admitting it, and correcting that error takes courage and is the sign of a mature leader, although consistently making wrong decisions is likely a sign of poor judgment. The leader has a responsibility to act fairly and make the decisions that result in firstly the best outcome for the mission and secondly the least harm possible. In doing so, the leader must act fairly if he or she wants to retain the loyalty of their followers. Leaders can’t allow their emotions or moods to impact their objective and fair decision making. Individuals will accept decisions that negatively impact them if they trust their leader and know the decision is best for the mission and is fair. If your followers do not, you need to consider if you have the right followers?
