If — by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Locus of Control
The world is not out to get you, in fact in the big scheme of things you really don’t matter at all. There are currently some 7.9 billion people on the planet which is more people than have existed throughout all time in history. Of this all most uncomprehendable number, there are only a few thousand notable individuals who have made their mark in the annals of history. Hence, it’s unlikely that very many of us will be shortlisted to notoriety. Most of us will not write a best seller, star in a block buster movie, be president of a country, a company or even a local football club, and most of us won’t retire wealthy with a holiday house in the Bahamas. In fact, for most of us, the best we can hope for is to live a rewarding life without suffering too many significant losses and to die at a ripe old aged surrounded by our loved ones.
But maybe the world is being unfair to us. Maybe if it just through us the occasional bone, or gave us a handout every so often, we would feel and do so much better and achieve so much more!
But the reality is the world doesn’t owe us anything, nor do any of the billions of other temporary occupants of the planet and to think otherwise is naive.
Quote by Mark Twain
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
So, should we just accept our fate and give up now, or to we get angry and rebel against the establishment, and demand to be given the same outcome as those few who we deem to be privileged?
Or is there an alternative to this drama. An alternative to why we feel so oppressed and victimised? And, if the world truly isn’t out to get us, are there things we can do to get ahead and arrest this feeling of victimisation.
Is it possible that our situation is not the result of an oppressive world, and that other people are struggling just as much as we are to get ahead and have the best life they can? Sure, the world is full of difficulties and prejudices, but is it possible that everyone is going through something, and you are not unique in how you feel?
What if your inability to succeed was all in your head? What if you are discriminating against yourself by believing you are unable to get a head because no matter how hard you try the world is against you? Do you think this mindset would be helpful or would it predispose you to think, feel and believe, it’s all hopeless and everything is out of your control?
If two equally qualified, competent people of the same age, race, gender, and orientation, interviewed for a job you would assume they would both have an equal chance of winning it, right?
Wrong. One of the biggest discriminators in this and many other situations in life is the mindset of the individuals. If one person believes that they have no control over the outcome and that it is solely upto others to decide if they are worthy, they will present with ‘tells’ that will be picked up upon; whereas, if the other person presents with confidence and a mindset that they are in control of their future this will also be evident and in a close competition will likely be the difference between being selected or not.
This is often best seen in sporting competitions where competitors are so closely matched that the result cannot be predetermined. In this scenario, it will almost always be the individual with the superior mindset who will win.
In life, we ultimately hit what we aim for. If our focus is on being victims, then that is what we will become. In 1954 Julian B. Rotter’s research identified what he called people’s Locus of Control. What he discovered was that those who believe they are in charge of their own destiny have what he referred to as an Internal Locus of Control, whereas those who believe that outside factors control their destiny have an External Locus of Control.
A person’s “locus” (place or location) is conceptualized as Internal, when they believe they can control their own life, or External, when they believe life is controlled by outside factors they can’t influence, or that chance or fate controls their lives.
Having an Internal Locus of Control, believing you set your own destiny, will allow you to focus your attention on succeeding rather than obsessing about the world being against you and ultimately leading you to failure.
Internals believe that their hard work will lead to positive outcomes. They also believe that every action has its consequence, which makes them accept the fact that things happen, and it depends on them if they want to have control over them or not.
Externals attribute outcomes of events to external circumstances. People with an External Locus of Control tend to believe that the things which happen in their lives are out of their control, and even that their own actions are a result of external factors, such as fate, luck, and the influence of others. They believe the world is too complex to predict, or successfully control its outcomes. Such people tend to blame others rather than themselves for the outcomes in their lives. People with an External Locus of Control also tend to be more stressed, neurotic, and prone to clinical depression.
This simple shift in mindset from an External Locus of Control to an Internal Locus of Control could make all the difference to how you live your life and therefore what you get back in return.
Believing you are in control of your own destiny comes with the added benefit of contributing to your general wellbeing and happiness and surely that alone is worth striving for.
